her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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