dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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