plz talk dirty to me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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