An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Farmville is her only friend.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
