make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
