dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
