so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize