Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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