I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
