He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
