its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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