I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
