The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
