My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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