i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize