Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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