If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
