no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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