I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
