I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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