It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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