He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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