Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?

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(240): View more from Maryland

Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"

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(850): View more from Florida

my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?

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(907): View more from Alaska

Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog

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(734): View more from Michigan

I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.

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(425): View more from Washington

My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?

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(408): View more from California

He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.

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(224): View more from Illinois

HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT

(310): View more from California

NO SHAME NOVEMBER

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(252): View more from North Carolina

Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night

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