Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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