We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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