all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
