Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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