Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
