I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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