Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
