just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
