Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize