He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
