I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
