Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
