i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
it's like iHOP with fire
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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