We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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