i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize