got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
