I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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