Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
