none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
