Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
