Redeem this text for a blowjob
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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