she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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