i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
