haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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