GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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