I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
