i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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