Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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