He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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