I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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