I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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