My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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