I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
