just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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