I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
