Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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