Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
