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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds

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• (619): View more from California

  I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season

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• (315): View more from New York

  I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.

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