my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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