Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
