I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
