I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
