Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
