Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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