I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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