I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
ttyl tear gas
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
