I'm really into asian looking animals
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I've blown a few things in my day
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
