I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
