my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
