Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
