Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
