today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
