Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
