please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
